“Love isn’t just those words we said, it’s something that we do.”
I have been expecting and praying for a healing to come in a very precise and particular way. But I have come to realize that I have been hurting myself in doing so and that it is not advisable to go about it your life like that. Life is terribly unpredictable and we all know that we can control very little of what happens in our lives. The only thing we have control over is how we choose to respond to what happens. And that often takes enormous skill and courage and humility and deep digging in.
I have wished and wanted and needed to heal something so deeply painful inside of me for much of my life. And there is just no way to wash it over with one brushstroke.
But I realized that there is deep power in listening and watching the subtlety of behavior.
It may not be the exact behavior I have been seeking for a decade which has truly felt like forty years (and I have lived forty-five years now, so I have some idea of what forty years feels like), but healing simply doesn’t come that way.
Healing comes in the power of surrendering to the nuances of now. Not in feeling overpowered by the past.
A tiny little kindness comes and something starts to heal. It may not be an correction of the past, but it may be a correction of now.
No longer bound to my idea of how I must find my way to healing, I am finally beginning to see that. I feel that. I am overwhelmed by it.
The past has hurt me so much but what if you are blind to who is standing before you speaking the words, “I’m here.” “I’m listening.”
What if that is enough? What if that is all there is? All there will ever be? What if that is the doing and the undoing. What if that is the healing?
I wouldn’t want to miss it.
May we all get out of the way enough to try to do the same.