Today is the day Alfie breathed his final breaths.
He fought like a warrior to stay. Alfie gave new meaning to that word and subsequently healed a part of me that never quite knew that word could be a trustworthy one.
He even stayed for his 14th birthday. He didn’t want to leave. I know now that he stayed as long as he did against all odds, because he felt safe and held... in arms of love.
A love he gave back exponentially.
A love that filled me with joy for no reason at all which gave more meaning to its eruption.
We were quite a team, he and I.
This year without him has been something I cannot even put into words. Alfie stepped into my heart just a few months before my family walked away. And through our connection, grief turned into daily gratitude, tenderness, fortitude and something I can’t quite name. It’s the way you know a resilience in yourself in your capacity to be with all circumstances. Hard circumstances. Unexpected circumstances. Life’s full catastrophe.
(The universe is miraculous in its great mystery.)
From that point on, the bond we forged was ferocious, and also exceedingly quiet. Almost telepathic.
Ferocious, resilient, telepathic love.
Thinking of him in the past tense has been challenging and unnatural to me.
Love breathed through him in a way that was pure and true. It was the highest form of sincerity and it humbled me and still deepens every day.
He taught me every single day how to dig deeper. And from him I felt my compassion, my humility, patience, honor, and the grace of giving, giving because it comes from instinct. Giving that you never question because it is just that pure.
He was and will always be the warrior of my ferocious heart.
Sweet Warrior of my heart, you have been the greatest gift of my life.
Thank you for teaching me...
what it’s all about.