Ten years ago, an old friend said:
“You take care of yourself like THIS!” And then she put both of her fists up in a defensive fighting gesture.
At the time, the statement came at me hard: a loud voice, no filter, no pretense, no warning.
But the most important thing now is this: I knew it was true. And I knew it was my way of operating in and through the world.
I also knew I needed and wanted to change that way of operating because that never, for one minute, constituted real self care, real self honoring, real softening, real love for myself or for others.
Ten years later, I have learned to ask for a friend or even a random person who is firing at me to speak to me in a manner that is in right alignment with my heart’s values. I have learned to soften.
Ten years later, this is no longer the photo emblematic of how I take care of myself, my soul, my life, my heartbeat.
Ten years later, I have learned to course correct swiftly if I find myself in this old pattern. And when I do, I honor this person who needed to protect herself in all of these misguided ways. I learned to honor the person who believed she needed to armor up and barrel through to survive instead of soften.
Instead of crack open and be known.
I see her now. I welcome and usher her into the day every morning. I companion her through the lows and the highs with honor and grace and most importantly, with patience.
She will always be a fighter. But that fight is her resilience.
She is also my north star.
Always always leading me back to the home inside myself.
