I’ve joked around many a time that Savasana is my “worst” pose.
But now that I look at it from another perspective, as I sit in a wheelchair again, I wonder if perhaps I just couldn’t find my “home” in Savasana with two bum hips.
The last time I was with my teacher, Desiree Rumbaugh, she gave me many gifts of love (as she often does). Our time together was one week before my second hip surgery, and as the days went on, so began the countdown to surgery.
Each time I was in too much pain in my body, she knew that I knew what to do for myself. I’d sit up on my mat and sit a pose or two out. I’d get up, I’d walk around, and of course, record keeper that I am, I’d take photos.
When it came time for my “worst pose,” by the second day, I looked up at Des and gestured to her skillfully, asking her permission if I could go around and give some good Savasana love. She looked back at me and said, “Of course!”
It became my anonymous offering. And it helped me.
I did the subtlest form of myofascial/ craniosacral work on my fellow yogin’s heads and necks and if I got to it, their feet. And by the time Savasana was ending, I would tiptoe away from my carefully chosen yogin of the session, and go back to my own yoga mat and sit.
I appreciated that no one knew who was giving this offering. I loved that Des gave me the chance to “give” in this way. Because for me, to not have to lay still was so deeply helpful to me at that moment in time. And to watch the breath settle in the body of another, to actually witness a deeper breath, and perhaps a little healing happening before me, afforded a healing to my heart that my heart needed upon entering such a big surgery.
It was a gift from a teacher who was able to see beyond the parameters of a body. Beyond the parameters of a practice. Beyond parameters which would limit me in any way.
This went on all week long during each session.
Everyone wanted to know who had been helping them during Savasana.
I didn’t want or need for them to know. But apparently, I calmed one person’s IBS, another person’s “situation” known to no one. And it went on like that all week.
I think I know the reason for this. It’s what it means when your heart knows the REAL meaning of OFFERING.
The only time I have ever sat in the presence of a Guru, I learned a teaching that woke me up because I wanted to be awakened. He asked the question, “do you want to know how to end your own suffering?” When he asked that question, I was on the edge of my seat, pen and notebook ready! I waited. I WANTED TO KNOW. I WAS DYING TO KNOW.
And then he gave the answer.
“Give up your selfishness.”
That is spectacular!
I knew it had to have been a Buddhist teaching. I loved it. I knew it wasn’t easy. But I knew it was right.
So as I was SUFFERING IN PAIN in my body, I wanted to try to offer something I knew I could give. And It helped assuage some of my own suffering. It really did.
Whether you believe me or not, is no matter. The whole point is to try it out for yourself. REALLY TRY IT.
If you want to end your own suffering, give up your selfishness.
Savasana may NEVER be my pose.
And wouldn’t it be great, if when I am back on the mat, I am always in the presence of a teacher who is willing to encourage me to “give up my selfishness?”
That’s what I’m aiming for. And honestly, I really look forward to it.
Blessings and Gratitude, BMS. ALL MY LOVE!